Wait, don't tell us you're STILL chugging that full-power, unfiltered sports beverage? Listen: Nobody needs that much energy. Why not come down to our level with a smooth glass of a soothing Gatorade alternative? One for poet-types, and brain-thinkers!

Suggested talking points: The Cream Cheese Incident, Apple Juice Marketing, Subway Connections, Blapron, Sperm Maze, Go-To Sillyness